Male, unhappily married and bisexual

The internet has made casual sex readily available with hundreds of websites dedicated to a cheap hook-up, and an array of mobile apps full of local people near you looking for a ‘no strings attached’ fuck.

With sex so easily available, you might think that our views on sexuality have become much more liberal. However, in 2013 a study conducted by the University of Pittsburgh found that 15 per cent of an online sample of 1,500 people felt bisexuality was “not a legitimate sexual orientation”.

Is it any wonder that we have seen a spike in ‘straight’ men seeking sex online, not with women but with other men?

Bisexuality amongst men is something many are choosing to keep well and truly in the closet, and in many cases they’re keeping it locked away in the walk-in-wardrobe they share – with their wife. The only issue is that, for many men, their bisexuality and desires don’t disappear when they say ‘I do’.

There are multiple websites dedicated to giving men – especially those who ‘put a ring on it’ – a quick thrill with other men. I visited a website aimed at gay and bisexual men, www.cottaging.co.uk.

Although it’s not exclusively for married men, the site launched in 2007 now boasts over 100,000 active UK members with over two million messages being sent in one month alone.

I tracked down one bisexual man online – Steve, a divorced male from London who has two sons and is now openly bisexual.

Steve’s profile aims to showcase his many talents when it comes to juggling a stream of female and male liaisons. The top of his profile boasts nine positive feedback comments, all of which are left by other users who have met Steve. Most of whom have a wife and kids at home, so he tells me.

Cottaging

“I’ve wanked and sucked off many older guys in my younger days – not so much now.”

Steve had always known he was not straight; he’d explored his bisexuality at a young age. “I realised when I was in my early teens the fun that could be had in public toilets, and I still enjoy going cottaging to this day. I’ve wanked and sucked off many older guys in my younger days – not so much now.”

Cottaging – sex with men in public toilets- is a popular choice for many men, especially those who are not openly gay or bisexual and struggle to find places to have sex.

Cottaging is not practiced as much as it once was, which may be down to an increase in gay saunas and a decrease in public loos.

Steve explains that he was never open with women about his bisexuality – he wasn’t sure how to approach the subject. “When I reached the age of 25, I met Anne and we fell in love and we got married. We were a normal couple, we had everything we needed, but as hard as I tried to resist, every chance I got to have some sort of cock fun, I did. You know, it sounds terrible, but I don’t recall ever feeling bad about it and I often wondered what she would say if she knew what I was up to,” he says.

The biggest decision he had to make was whether or not to open up to his wife about his bisexuality. After all, they were the perfect example of a happily married couple on the surface, they’d welcomed two children into their lives and everything seemed normal. For Steve, convention was not what he craved.

“A while into the relationship I remember I kept reading an article that was titled something like ‘How to tell your wife you are bisexual’. I decided to follow the tips and give it a try. The article suggested that if she was giving you oral sex you had to ask her what it felt like, then to follow it up with things like ‘I’d love to do that myself, but only if you were there as I did it, and just to see what sensations you get when you give me oral sex’, and then see what their reaction was.”

Confrontation

A quick search on Google will reel off pages of advice and self-help stories on how to come out to your wife as bisexual or even gay. For many it’s a huge risk – you can either be accepted for who you are by your loved one, or your life will drastically change right in that moment.

Steve decided to take a chance and confront the dilemma he had been battling since his childhood.

“I went for it, I followed the advice to a tee, we were having sex one evening and I just asked her. Luckily she looked up and said ‘fuck that would be horny to watch you suck cock’, and also that she wanted to see us with another woman. I was relieved. It must have been a few months later, after bringing it up on numerous occasions, we said we would try to arrange to meet a guy.”

Steve and Anne had accepted each other for who they truly were and their search began online for a willing male to join them in the bedroom. “We searched and we responded to a few posts and got some surprising replies! One guy looked just our type – the picture he posted us of his body looked fab. We met in a pub, went back to ours and once we were all stripped off, we went for it. Soon after climax he left. We had such an amazing fuck – it was mind-blowing. Anne loved it as much as me. It was fun whilst it lasted but we soon drifted apart and later divorced.”

Lifestyle

“Trudy’s daughters have both turned out as lesbians – much to her discomfort. Seems like justice.”

“I was alone for seven years, then I met Trudy. She had two daughters from a previous relationship. When I first met her they were 11 and 14. I knew when it came to my bisexuality I didn’t need to broach the subject as she was very homophobic. Without her knowing, during the relationship I went to saunas and began cottaging again using online sites to arrange meets, meeting as many men as I could. She once found me talking online to a guy – I told her it was a serviceman overseas and I was just giving him some footy scores. She believed it at first, then she read into it more and accused me of liking men. We had an awful row and we separated – thank god we never got married.

“I have since led a swinger’s lifestyle and have had as many lady sexual partners as men these days. But the most funny thing was that Trudy’s daughters have both turned out as lesbians – much to her discomfort. Seems like justice.”

When asked whether it’s difficult being an openly bisexual male in today’s society, Steve suggested that most people are actually accepting it. “I think it was seen as a bad thing ten years ago but most people don’t give a damn these days and I think that a huge percentage of men and women would play both ways these days, given the chance!”

 

Featured image courtesy of Caratello via Flickr