Dating experts share their thoughts on the unique challenges and benefits of finding love in the capital.
Three drinks deep on a Thursday night, I sat with my friend in a pizzeria in East London, and we had the same conversation we’ve had a hundred times before – the same conversation that people all across the world have every day.
Why is dating so hard?!
Since moving to London a few years ago, it seems like almost everyone I know here is perpetually single, with a huge catalogue of past dating horror stories. Yet when I check my Instagram, all I see are people I know from back home in Hertfordshire, posting happy photos with their long-term partners.
A city as busy and diverse as London, in theory, seems like the perfect place for anyone to meet someone. But while there are certainly benefits to living in such a vibrant and populated area, dating in the capital also presents its own unique set of challenges, which can make finding ‘the one’ a lot harder than it initially seems.
“Dating in London has its own rhythm,” says Rachel Vida MacLynn, CEO and founder of matchmaking service Maclynn International. “It’s fast, competitive, yet full of possibility, but that can be both exhilarating and overwhelming.
“Londoners often juggle intense careers and busy lifestyles while navigating a landscape shaped by apps, paradoxes of choice, and diverse cultural expectations, making meaningful connections can feel like both an exciting prospect and a real challenge.”
“One unique challenge we often see in London is logistical: while central London acts as a dating hub, people frequently live on opposite sides of the city, sometimes an hour or more apart.”
According to a 2025 poll by Bumble and Lime, nearly half of all Londoners consider cross-city dating to be ‘long-distance’, and almost seven out of ten would prefer to date someone in their own area.
On top of the distance, another struggle is finding time to make plans in all of our busy lives. Trying to match up schedules can sometimes feel like an impossible task, especially for those who don’t work a 9-to-5.
“Coordinating diaries is hard enough; add lengthy commutes and hybrid working diary conflicts, and it can feel like ‘meeting for a quick coffee’ takes up an entire afternoon,” says Rachel. “Geography shouldn’t be a dealbreaker, but in London, it can slow momentum more than you’d expect.”
For many Londoners, safety is also a big concern when it comes to dating.
“Meeting a stranger always carries risks,” says dating and relationships coach Rachel New. “Some [people] may have concerns about meeting someone in a part of town that is unfamiliar, very busy or a long way from home.”
The Online Dating & Discovery Association (ODDA) provides tips and advice for meeting new people on dates. These include meeting in a public place, letting a friend know your location and making a plan for how to get home before you go.
But while the busyness of London may seem intimidating, it also has huge benefits when it comes to safety.
“Londoners are very prosocial and perhaps more likely to help if there is a problem,” she says, “and the Ask Angela scheme operates in many venues.”
Launched in 2016, Ask for Angela is a scheme that was designed to help people discreetly seek help from staff when they feel uncomfortable or unsafe in public situations, such as first dates or nights out.
“It’s also easier to keep where you live private in a large city like London,” she adds, “compared with a small town where everyone knows everyone.”
On average, London has one of the youngest populations in the UK, with a higher proportion of 25-34 year olds than anywhere else in the country, making it a hotspot for young people looking to meet someone.
However, for many, the challenges of living in the city can make it harder to maintain long-term relationships.
“Studies show that too much choice makes it harder to pick someone, and then to feel satisfied with your choice,” says dating coach Rachel.
Research has found that having more options for choice in any decision – not just dating – makes people less satisfied with their decision, in a theory known as the ‘paradox of choice’.
“This can become especially salient when out and about in London, where you are confronted with the vast numbers of people in small spaces,” says Rachel.
In a city with a population of nearly nine million, having a seemingly endless dating pool from which to choose can leave people reluctant to commit, for fear that they could always find someone “better”.
This is an idea that is also encouraged by the widespread use of dating apps.
“I think the biggest issues people are facing these days are about fatigue, cynicism and dating app burnout,” says Minnie Lane, a dating and personal development coach.
“As more and more dating went online, and especially since #MeToo and Covid, people often hold back from initiating a romance in real life, so the opportunities can feel scarce.
“Research shows dating app use actually tends to increase feelings of anxiety, depression and loneliness, rather than relieve them, leading a lot of people to burn out and give up altogether. When everyone is collectively drained, it makes the dating arena even more difficult to create and maintain a spark, which creates a vicious cycle.
“My advice is always to do activities that increase your wellbeing and energy levels, so that you are more resilient,” Minnie tells us. “Things like physical exercise, walks in nature, journaling, therapy, coaching, gratitude exercises, eating well, sleeping well.”
Minnie also recommends limiting the time spent on dating apps, and using them only when you’re in the right frame of mind; “use them when you’re in a good place and feel curious, not when you’re feeling anxious, depressed or lonely.”
It’s no wonder then, with all these obstacles, that so many of us end up in the dreaded ‘situationship‘ – not quite a relationship, still more than casual, yet no one wants to put an actual label on it.
For anyone lucky enough not to have experienced a situationship, they’re essentially the person you give your friends regular updates about, while at the same time insisting you’re definitely still single.
However, these types of situations can often leave people with feelings of uncertainty and hurt, largely due to a lack of communication, which means that the people involved are not always on the same page when it comes to their dynamic.
“The diversity of cultures in London can be very exciting and stimulating,” says Rachel New, “and great for dating because you can experiment with different norms for communication, expressing attraction, dating etiquette, and the speed at which things develop.
“One possible risk here is that you may misunderstand someone’s intentions,” she says. “There may be stereotyping and categorising of other people that may lead to different expectations about intimacy.”
Rachel’s advice is for people to communicate about their situations and intentions with the people they’re dating: “It’s important to have clear conversations and not make assumptions.”
Ultimately, London’s diversity provides a great opportunity for people to broaden their horizons, meet all kinds of new people, and try a range of new things, which can have huge benefits for dating and beyond.
“There are more in-person events in London than other cities,” says Rachel, “and a wider range of activities to suit every interest.
“I would encourage single readers to make the most of the city to expand your horizons by meeting people from as wide a range of backgrounds as you can, as well as a wide range of different experiences and activities.
“Diversity of experiences is good for our personal mental and physical health,” she says. “Even if a date doesn’t lead to another date, you can learn so much from every person you meet.”
While the speed and intensity of London’s dating culture can be scary for many and can take time to adjust to, it also comes with its perks.
So the next time you get ghosted by that Hinge date you’ve been talking to for a fortnight, don’t give up hope – why not take a quick break from the apps to try something new instead?
Featured image by Doğu Tuncer on Unsplash.